Its the middle of the night after my PET scan. I’m not worried, but for some reason I’m not sleeping so I thought I’d write down my emotions during all this.

My mother died of throat cancer when I was in my final year of university. She was such a strong, positive, intelligent and optimistic lady. She could have beaten anything given the chance, but sadly she was diagnosed far too late for the medicine at the time to save her and she died in 1975.

When I’ve had tough or stressful times in my life, I’d often get heartburn and a feeling of having a lump in my throat. I’d think of Mum, but then would tell myself off for being silly and antacids seemed to cure it. So when my problem swallowing started to become an issue after our travels to S America, I was already suspecting Deirdre might be lurking in the shadows. Maybe these experiences have helped me come to terms with Deirdre as quickly as I have.

We were glad to have the tests straight away and felt so sorry for my doctor and friend Lorna having to break the news to us. She was composed and supportive and a lovely doctor, but it must have been hard. Neil, Lorna and I all hugged, but the moment the news was out the optimism set in. This will be beaten.

The hardest part was trying to tell my children Marc and Cara. We waited until the morning after my brother David’s wedding a few days after the results. Its a s**t thing to have to tell one’s children and the only time I’ve been unable to get the words out. We were travelling with their lovely partners Sarah and Andrew, all of us squashed into Neil’s car on our way back to David’s house. I could feel the warmth of their love and the sadness of their emotions flow from all four of them as Neil gently explained all that we knew at this early stage. I was sat between Marc and Cara as they composed themselves, holding my hands tightly and asking sensible questions. I felt so proud of them as they took this news on board and I was so glad they had Sarah and Andrew with them. We are all in such a good place in our lives.

The NHS was now operating at full speed and the appointments rolled in. Neither of us have cried another tear or felt an ounce of doubt that this is curable. The wedding plans are continuing, which is a story in itself involving sheep … or rather the lack of them.  We had a great choir practice tonight as they’ll be singing for us. Neil works two or three days a week as a locum doctor at his old practice, we are still hanging paintings and ordering furniture for our new home, sorting out the sheds and the garden. I played golf a couple of times but have realised that with all the appointments coming up and all that has to be done that I’ll have to suspend my membership until this is all over.

What I hadn’t realised is the time this would all take. The time it takes to explain to our friends what’s happening, the appointments we’re attending in various towns and cities. We’ve had so many supportive calls and emails and we feel very loved. This is why I started this blog as a way of keeping everyone up to date with progress. I try to answer emails but please accept my apologies if some are not answered in the months to come. We are learning to switch off in the evenings and simply relax and put our iPhones away. Well, that’s in between our busy and happy social lives.

We feel so strong as a couple. I have never felt so loved or so happy as I am with Neil who has been wonderful. He keeps telling me he’s my Rock of Gibraltar and I believe him. Our seven adventurous years together have been some of the happiest of my life. I’ve found my soulmate. Our families have come together, we have a beautiful home in Devon and so many wonderful friends supporting us. I feel really strong and blessed, and with all this strength and Neil at my side, Deidre doesn’t stand a chance. Our positivity is quite genuine. We laugh easily, relax easily and love each other very much.

All will be well.