Chemo/rad day…. (the laugh is at the end)

Its 1am and I can’t sleep so here I am after my first chemotherapy plus radiotherapy day. Neil left long before I woke up and left me a beautiful note. This morning he swam 60 lengths at Tiverton pool before work, reducing a further 1.5km from his 100km target, then he went to work until lunchtime, then on to Bristol to pick up his daughter Tessa, then on to Heathrow to collect his son Tim and girlfriend Hannah who’d flown in from Australia. The wedding is starting and its getting exciting!

Toni drove me into Exeter and we entered the Cherrybrook ward where they give the chemo. It’s so easy the second time as I knew exactly what to expect. In order to increase the blood supply to my veins to help find a decent vein to insert the cannula, I have to soak both hands in really hot water. I mean REALLY HOT!!! I’m a total wimp getting into a hot bath and this was no different. Slowly I immersed my hands, neither bravely nor quietly! We all giggled at my patheticness as the veins in my hands grew strong and bold. The nurse inserted the cannula and hooked me up to a saline solution then the pre chemo meds and on to the chemo.

I’ve decided to rename the cold cap the Ice Cap which is far more descriptive of its function. Before fitting it, they ask me to wet my hair and put on some conditioner to help it slide off at the end of the treatment. Last time I did this on my own, before the cannula was inserted, but today I had to ask Toni to help as I had only one hand free. We both went into the toilet at the corner of the ward, I leant my head over the tiny wash basin, and she started emptying jugs of cold water over me. It was FREEZING!!! Every time she poured a cup of cold water over my head I screeched and the 2 of us ended doubled up in hysterics. We crept back into the ward rather sheepishly to see everyone smiling at us.

They yanked the cap down hard onto my head according to my instructions to be as tough as they could to preserve as much hair as possible during the chemo. I warned Toni I’d need to go into my zone for about 20 minutes when she couldn’t speak to me as it worked so well last time. I’d close my eyes and get myself into a kind of trance as the fluid in the ice cap freezes tightly around my head. Somehow I can ignore the ice freeze headache, which subsides after a while. I guess the pain is eventually numbed away by the ice against my scalp and I’m fine for the rest of the process. Toni and I caught up with years and years of family history…. our Mum’s throat cancer, our families, our great kids, Toni’s grandchildren and the next wedding as Toni’s daughter Jane is getting married in December. We’d introduce ourselves to other patients coming in for treatment and chat to the nurses if they has a spare moment. There is never a single negative word from anyone in this ward.

Many conversations later, the chemo was over. We waited a further half hour for the ice cap to thaw then I took it off and we bid our farewells. We were 6 in the ward today and 3 had oesophageal cancer, possibly more as we didn’t ask everyone. Is this the big new cancer? I hope none of the other patients have mother’s called Deirdre!!

My second radiotherapy session was so much easier and so much shorter than the first. I wasn’t even in my zone before they came in to release me. Apparently the first session is always the longest as they scan the whole area again, like a CT scan, to gain the latest pictures of Deirdre and plan their attack. Soon I left the Star Wars room full of beans.

Now B&Q is literally on our way home! Oh dear. How can I resist? And Dunelm is next door! This chemotherapy is working out a little more expensive than we’d anticipated!! I bought some great solar lights for the bases of the guy ropes of the marquee just in case some guests enjoy a little more than just one glass of champagne! There are so many doctors coming to the wedding there’s bound to be trouble!!!

Toni and I had a relaxing evening at home and went to bed just before Neil, Tim and Hannah arrived at midnight. I was still awake and talked my poor, very tired Neil to sleep, then came down here to write this blog. The Dexamethasone steroid is still in my system so I’ll be awake for a while. I’d rather not take a sleeping tablet at this stage as it’s only one night. I’ll need them later I’m sure.

This next bit is not for the fainted hearted:

I wasn’t sure whether to include this next episode, but its 1.30am and my mind is still full of ideas. Billy Connelly is far more adroit at addressing the subject of bowel movements than I, but it has become an issue.

During my ‘forgetting to take tablets’ phase, I became really constipated, like never EVER before! And I do have history on this subject. Last Monday evening I left Neil and Toni for almost an hour trying to perform and failing miserably. By the end I was a little downcast and totally exhausted. Is this the real start of the hard stuff?(pardon the pun) Neil assured me they could help me today, so I ‘parked’ the discomfort for the night and enjoyed the rest of the evening with them.

I told the nurse this morning and she asked what I’d taken. I immediately fessed up that I kept forgetting tablets and continued with the anti sickness drug they’d given me….. but I was taking the wrong one. I was taking the one which caused constipation, not the weaker one which didn’t. Oh dear! But, as with many medical problems (especially in France),  there is an easy solution. A pessary!

I’m afraid this news sparked even more hysteria between Toni and myself as we recounted all kinds of revolting toilet stories. Soon we were both crying with laughter again.

Have you seen Billy Connelly’s comedy on this during his prostate cancer treatment? Its absolutely hilarious. He talks about gallons of s**t cascading from his rectum, setting his a*s* on fire and needing an icebucket to extinguish it.

I have to admit I was almost s*****ing myself already before even starting, so I changed into some loose black clothing and prepared for the worst.

Now…did you know that Neil is determined to save all of God’s living creatures? He saved the rampant mole last summer who created Picasso-esque shapes in our lawn. He saves every spider determined to put the fear of God into me, and he has saved the hornets nest right outside our bathroom window for a second year.

So there am I, poised in position, pessary inserted, nervously awaiting the worst when I realised that, come the moment, I couldn’t even open the f****g window for fear of a whole nest hornets flying straight up my arse (apologies for references to Billy Connelly’s dictionary)

The event came and went in the most natural and ladylike manner. It was nothing like Billy Connelly’s episode and to my relief (yet another pun) I was able to relax this evening in comfort with my lovely sister. The wonders of glycerine will comfort me forever!

Night night xxx